Aug. 16th, 2014

skellaxinscruples: (doot!zooted skull party)
ok so like early this week my mom was like "wanna go to cancun next week?" and I said yes so now we're going to cancun.

Leaving tomorrow before sunrise, obviously.

Pretty nice, though. Apparently there's some convoluted story that ties this back to the whole horrible messy divorce thing, but I am unconcerned.  I will just relax and not worry too much out on vacation. I will wear cocktail dresses and drink by the pool, maybe I will get a massage or a facial finally, I will be okay.

Honestly, I'm at the point where I kind of feel a little sad I won't be able to be earning for that whole week. sigh.  $70 a day is nice, you know? I am also close to returning to camming. I also have started working on editing my sex tape, which is hilariously weird, because it's like I AM the porno. Well. I am. I am making the sex thing to sell to people who will download it and watch it on full screen. Watching your body do those things on full screen is weird, and even stranger to think that strangers will be doing that, and enjoying it. It's weirder, I guess, when it's a recording, rather than just doing it live.

Li-Chi got me a new router, it was a PITA to set up, but it's a lot better than that godforsaken dying router. The reason the (new) router was so cheap is because the company that makes them is out of business so there's no way to get technical support from them. Other than awkward maneuvering to get the thing working, it's fine. A little unstable, but that might just be my ISP. For whom the bill is more than a month past due, and also I have a second month past due now hahaha. I have money I can't yet deposit in my bank account because of reasons, how obnoxious.

I don't envy my mother her life. Being here at her house is hectic. She interrupted Sonya and Sedona to tell them how to sweep the floors correctly. She has to have my brother come over to convince him to take out another mortgage for her. She has to coordinate so many things, mortgages, people, plans, ugh. I want none of it. I like being at home, with my dust and my cats, with my lack of possessions, with my lack of children. She just got an iPhone 5 and needed someone to walk her through setting it up, even though none of us have an iPhone, and we told her to use Google, but she said she "just wanted to focus on this," and kept asking us things, so I took her laptop and sat beside her with Google open and told her what to do, and it was annoying for me, but she was grateful. Old people being bad at technology, sigh. I don't ever want to be that old. I don't want multiple mortgages. I don't want children. She has increasingly bad arthritis and as such is in constant pain, and only one of her hands is useful, and that terrifies me so much that I try to open every door for her that I can, volunteer to carry everything (even though she is stronger and more practical than me). Aging is terrifying.

I am going to ask her a lot about her life, though, on this trip. Hopefully over cocktails. She's hilariously candid when she's had a bit to drink, but even when she hasn't, I'm old enough that she tells me sketchy things. For instance, as a teenager, she had a fake ID (at 16) and went to the discotheques, and her friend had a sleazy uncle, Uncle Al, who would give them pot and booze and drugs in exchange for one of her friends dancing for him, and they all knew never to be alone with him or else he'd do something untoward. Her mother never knew about this guy, her older brothers never knew either. I also want to know about her father, who she compares at times to me -- she loved him the most of all her siblings, and he was odd and vain and drank too much and was well connected despite being a day laborer. None of her other siblings much liked him, she was his special kid, though. I want to know if she ever felt any stigma from outsiders being perceived as a "single mother," raising my older brother in her early 20s, while my father was away working. I want to know why she has the values that she does -- why is she modest, why does she want to take care of people (a trait I inherited), why does she believe in a unifying energy of the universe (religion, faith, god), why is she a liberal academic, all of that stuff.

I enjoy learning the stories of people. That is why I am here, for instance.

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