Sep. 3rd, 2014

skellaxinscruples: (doot!zooted skull party)
 I can't get over how great this is. I found this band because I guess their frontman scandalized Fox News by identifying as a "punk/funk Communist revolution band" when asked what kind of music they make. I basically listen to this and Nicki Minaj's Anaconda on repeat for the last two days. 

um. 

And I can't get over how nerds hate "urban" culture and "pop" culture so much but now we have mainstream music videos with a ridiculously well endowed pink haired girl in naked maid apron and stockings spraying her body with whipped cream and I'm pretty sure that's h-game material; goddamn otaku are missing out. She is clearly an actual magical girl much like Kyary. (I'm not going to say her music is amazing but seriously just look at her!!!)

Been working on the travel memoir. Hoping to not take six years like my dear tall Australian friend has. But that's different, because that's writing about someone important to you who is dead now (while you distanced yourself from her hurtful, terrified animal behavior).

I guess, seguing from that, I wonder what you're supposed to do when an abuser or other generally bad person is called out in your community. I see this happen on Tumblr, and people are even deriding the fact that said person just decided to quit being around, quit blogging and socializing... what else are villains supposed to do but die? The fact of the matter is, it feels like people don't even care if there's any reformation, or even apology and self-dismissal, I don't know what they want to see. Any choice made by the accused is attacked. There is no victory. 

And I wonder if I was similarly derided for my exit from my local scene. I wonder. But I don't care so much, because it was toxic for me... what with having some local celebrity tell people I was one of his girlfriends without my consent, and such. 

<hr>

ALSO. Madeline is talking to me again. Not with special involvement. She's decided to take a break from tripping for a while, since the last few trips have just been her reliving trauma and abuse... she is tired of presenting as male. She is tired of living as a boy. She is tired of all the walls she's built around herself, which are making her incapable of exposing herself emotionally to her partner. She pretty much stated that she's going to be there for me when I trip next, (with a preference that I notify her with at least 24 hours notice) and ah, I guess it's precious that she is herself with me, when she lives the rest of her life as someone she's not, so I am glad. A person, such as her... yes, I've cried, thinking about her, missing her presence, but I feel so much stronger for her having existed at all. I feel like that for Kiara, too, who, being a beautiful hella educated world-travelling creative queer woman of color who had dealt with an abusive relationship -- I do not think I could have become strong enough to deal with being abused if I had not had her there, to show herself to me as a survivor. Madeline, I hope, will not forget me so readily, though... 


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